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Confessions Of A Perfectionist // Honesty Time


So I haven't really been posting much lately, and that's pretty much down to just not having the time with all my work for drama school, and also not really having the spare cash to go out and buy new make up/hair products to review very regularly #studentproblems

 However I wanted to write this post because recently I have been really struggling. I think it's fair to say I'm a perfectionist and I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve things to the best of my abilities. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing, I think it's really important to push and challenge yourself and to strive to better yourself, especially with things you're passionate about. However, it does manifest itself in me getting very stressed about things when they're not going according to plan. I like to be in control of all aspects of my life (lol at me trying to make a career out of being an actor) and I find it quite hard to deal with things when they're not going well. That, added with the pressure I put on myself, tends to end up with me turning into a massive melting pot of stress.
All of this stress and pressure I've been under manifested itself this weekend - I'm currently doing a storytelling module for my degree and after seeing how far the other students in my class had come with their pieces and feeling like mine wasn't up to a high enough standard, I ended up having a little crying session in the middle of trying to work out where to go from here (I mean, I cry a lot anyway but this was an occasion where I really didn't want to). I was so stressed out I then only managed to sleep for about 3 hours on Friday night and therefore only got through 2 hours of an 8 hour shift at work because I felt so rubbish. I don't think that's ever happened to me, I think I'm a very reliable person at work so for me to actually have to leave a shift really didn't sit well with me at all, but I knew I would just feel worse if I stayed.


I really need to learn to stop being so self-critical and realise that actually, it's ok to make mistakes or have a bad day, the important thing is about how you learn from and bounce back from those occasions. 

I'm feeling a little better now, still a stress-head but I think that's just become ingrained into my personality. Talking it through with a few close friends/family has been really helpful and it just goes to show how important having someone to listen to you is. I'm also going to try and start posting on here a bit more regularly - I can't promise much, but writing is a good way for me to take my mind off things.

I think the fact that it's taken me five years to get into a drama school makes me really anxious that it could all be taken away from me in an instant, so I then feel like I have to compensate for that by always being the perfect student. I don't. I just have to be me. 
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